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We Always Knew You Were Real

John Keel has written that the unexplained often takes the shape of the environment in which it is encountered. People in the 1800s would have seen angels, whereas people in the 1950s would have seen men from space. This is not to say that the supposed people from space aren't real - only that they may not necessarily be from space.

Why is the child so obsessed with the little man? Why do all cultures have their own form of fairy, brownie, wight, etc?

The child needs the little man and the same forces that make us see small zeppelins floating around our childhood ceilings and the talking beer steins sculpted into the shapes of men capture our money and our needs for Smurfs or Pocket Monsters or anything else smaller than us?

A cat was chasing a mouse in my backyard. Toying with it. I don't think I would do the same were I to meet a Smurf.

I am not talking about the American Smurfs - the sort of cartoon version of the European Smurf legend - I am talking about the Smurfs as portrayed in the 1976 film the Smurfs and the Magic Flute. In that film the Smurfs were all identical and all spoke in sing song voices, reverberating through the small dewy woods that housed their Smurf village.

A real Smurf would have to lead life in secret from the humans. Our problems would be his problems. There would be no evil sorcerer chasing them around. Their enemies would be pollution and overpopulation.

Though the Smurfs would perhaps exert a strength unknown by man. Much like the strength of the UFO. The helpless human would know not what to do as he was carted off by the Smurfs - tied down to a makeshift cart and taken to the Smurf village. He would be fed exquisite foods and he would drink liquors untasted by man. Magical elixirs that would make the man see visions - make the man feel what it was like to be both male and female - a member of every race.

You can see the veins in a Smurf if you hold him up to a candle - like an egg to a candle reveals the baby chick. The Smurf is somewhat rubbery, like calamari and yet fleshy. The blue is exaggerated and is in actuality more of a pale pale white, with the veins near the surface giving the Smurf his blue tint. His eyes are somewhat yellow in the corners - like the eye of a goat.

There would be no Papa Smurf nor a Smurfette. These characters were created for children in order to make them feel more safe in the Smurf realm. Make them feel more like a Mom and Dad was there. But that is not how the Smurf realm operates. The Smurfs are not led by any man in red overalls. They are led by themselves - they are telepathic - like all magical creatures -and can easily pass the most difficult ESPer tests of men.

To spend time in the Smurf village you would find yourself in an altered state of consciousness - you may awake and not remember what they had told you. They would flash a light into your eyes and you would only be away for a few moments even though you had spent what felt like months in the Smurf village - lending your strength to an invasion by hostile forces led by Nutria and soldiered by Moles.

You would be dry some of the time - but sticky wet most of the time though you would not be uncomfortable - it would be like autumn - somewhat humid but not hot. You would be glad you were wearing autumnal clothes even though upon awakening you would find yourself in the dead of August heat.

As I write this a Smurf has climbed upon my desk. He looks me in the eyes and smiles serenely. He tells me I've got it right. I tell him I like his black outfit. He says that all Smurfs wear black - the white was for the television show. He removes his cap and his head is bald and I can make out to large arteries leading like cords down his neck into his shoulder. They start at his eyes and his eyes are yellow like a goat's eyes. Somewhat bloodshot in the corners. He asks me if I would like to come back to the Smurf village. I nod.

I come back and I have been gone for months - spent the winter with the Smurfs even though it is the dead of summer now.

John Keel was juist. Peyo was bijna juist. Hannah Barbera was verkeerd.

I have been living under a tree in a warm hollowed out knot like Yoda's home or a Hobbit hole gone to seed. I will fight the Nutrias and Moles tomorrow and help lead the Smurfs to victory. It feels like it must be in the European continent though it escapes me exactly what feel I have.

I am yet another incarnation of Ludwig II of Bavaria. Though I am convinced that he and I live at the same time.

I did not need the Smurfs to tell me this.
I told my mother when I was three years old.
I was drowned.
In Lake Starnberg.
He even looks like me for God's sake!

I know that my death will be caused by drowning.
I have always known this
because Ludwig II is a part of me and he has let me know in dreams.

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