Wednesday, May 16, 2007

The Sh-tfoot Revelation

Dean 'Uncut Deck' Bodbeil at 2000 Atsa Cup O' Coffee Ultra-poetry Opa-Mica
[Notice the Sh-tfoot t-shirt]

I would like to begin this post with a sincere apology to all of my readers. On March 27th I received a message from Plaza reporter 'Scoop' VanderDutch that several people had come forward claiming to be the infamous Sh-tfoot that had made an offensive comment to the Reverend Ivan Stang from the Dallas-based Church of the SubGenius, after I had made a public request for the person with the handle of Sh-tfoot to come forward.

The whole time I assumed that Sh-tfoot stood for 'Shotfoot'; Only this morning, after receiving a note from 'Scoop' VanderDutch did I realize the horrible truth: Sh-tfoot stands for 'Shitfoot'!

And worse yet: I created him;

and I had forgotten about him.

In 1997 my roommate Kacz and I were walking home from our favorite local watering hole when I accidentally stepped into a pile of dog feces. Being intoxicated I thought it funny to mash my foot into the pile even more and was soon chasing Kacz down the street yelling 'I am the great Shitfoot! Run for the hills!'

Little did I know that lurking in the shadows was local grocery store cashier and acquaintance Dean 'Uncut Deck' Bodbeil; a fact that did not make itself apparent until:


and there is a stranger on the other end of my apartment intercom yelling: 'I am the great Shitfoot! Run for the hills!'

At first I thought it was Kacz until I realized he was sleeping soundly in his bedroom. I grabbed my pistol and went out the rear-exit of the building, slowly making my way around to the front where I saw Dean 'Uncut Deck' Bodbeil, smearing dog feces on my apartment building's glass door with his shoe.

I stowed the pistol and took Dean 'Uncut Deck' Bodbeil out for a beer. He explained to me that he was the real Shitfoot and that he wanted to collaborate on a project that would incorporate our two aesthetics together.

I explained to him that:

"There is no real Shitfoot! Shitfoot was just a character I made up one day in a drunken stupor and then forgot."

Dean 'Uncut Deck' Bodbeil could not seem to accept this truth and I later found him making appearances at my local coffee shop during open mic poetry nights, calling himself 'The Great Shitfoot' reading strange poems loosely based on ideas that I had thrown about during my early Samizdat publishing experiments. Ideas that were so trite that I had forgotten them; and yet, it bothered me that Dean 'Uncut Deck' Bodbeil was attempting to claim them for his own.

I moved away from the old neighborhood and no longer went to my regular coffee house. That was eight years ago. I thought I would never hear from Dean 'Uncut Deck' Bodbeil again.

I was wrong.

I want to assure all Plaza of the Mind readers that this Sh-tfoot has nothing to do with me or my works. He was just an overzealous fan that got a bit carried away. I have no idea whether or not he has had any contact with the Rev. Ivan Stang and why he would make such an insulting comment to the man on this site.

I just want this to be behind me. I wish to God I had never stepped into that pile of dog feces on that cold November night in 1997.



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